- Thread starter dbair1967
- Start date
- Messages
- 58,563
- Reaction score
- 9,053
I've been working on this DCU exclusive for weeks, and in light of Jerry Jones being mistreated so badly by the hacks at 105.3, I wanted to sit down with Jerry and get the REAL scoop for Universors. Here we go:
Me: Wow, what a great honor it is to sit here and interview a great HALL OF FAME General Manager and Owner, thanks for your time Mr. Jones.
Jerry: Yes that's right, I have a Green Jacket, I mean HoF Blazer. People everywhere recognized me for A+ team building skill. Me being in the HoF has nothing to do with making everyone in the league filthy rich, even though that part is also true.
Me: Jerry let's start with that, the team building. I think you've been given a bad rap by an uneducated fanbase that just doesn't understand how you have been ahead of your time as a Front Office Picasso.
Jerry: It takes years of experience. I played the game at an extremely high level. I have a keen eye at spotting talent, even when no one else can see it.
Me: Let's talk about this week's latest acquisition, Jalen Dalton. I think he really moves the needle for the defense and we are fortunate to have him. Tell me more about him.
Jerry: Well dbair Jalen Tolbert is an elite DE prospect, I talked to Charles Haley about getting him in here asap and Charles said Jalen is further along than he was at a similar point in their career. He is more physically dominant than Reggie White and has more speed than Micah Parsons.
Me: Jerry, didnt you mean Jalen Dalton
Jerry: I'm a Hall of Famer so just let me do the talking.
Me: OK lets move on to your absolute genius move of locking up Dak Prescott for 60 million per year. I spoke with several league sources, and they told me that Dak would have easily gotten 100+ million per year on the open market. We are so fortunate that you were able to use your keen negotiating skills and get him to accept so much less than he would have gotten elsewhere.
Jerry: Yeah we have the highest paid QB in the league and this really means something, it means we have the best player in the league. I am also giving him pointers on rebuilding his recently demolished mansion. You know I had direct input on AT&T Stadium construction right? I'm a Hall of Fame GM you know.
Me: Yeah that building is a masterpiece of construction, but Jerry a lot of fans wonder about that sun problem, can....
Jerry: I'm a Hall of Fame GM and I know about this stuff more than you or the fans, just leave these details to someone that really understands it ok?
Me: Jerry how exciting is it to have Zeke back in Dallas and wearing his old college #15?
Jerry: Yeah see I had that idea, I've already made millions and millions off his old #21 jersey. Now I can make millions and millions more out of #15
Me: How bout his level of play, I was really impressed with his work against Detroit.
Jerry: Yes I had a meeting with the coaches about this, he clearly has not been used properly so I had to point out how this was unacceptable. You saw what a threat he was out there this past week, we caught the Lions completely off guard with our Feed Zeke strategy.
Me: Yeah this game was much closer than the score would indicate. We really fought hard. I think if it hadnt been for the refs we'd have come out on top here.
Me: Jerry I have a part-time gig helping out at Dallas Cowboys Universe, and the fans there really love you and appreciate your leadership. They asked me to have you answer a few questions. Here we go:
Me: From SuperFan BB, ask Jerry why he allows them to wear those shitty blue uniforms at home instead of the classic whites.
Me: Oh sorry Jerry, I don't know how that one got in there. BB must have been drinking.
Jerry: I don't know how that youngster is still alive, last time I saw him he was on the bottom of the pile of two 400+ lb landwhales
Me: ok here's a question from DCU-er Dodger "Why the heck can't you properly scout a QB"
Jerry: Well let me tell you, I played this game. I know elite QB talent when I see it. I was the only reason this team drafted Troy Aikman. Then in 2001 I fleeced the entire NFL when I drafted Quincy Carter. Bill Parcells had a vendetta against him and that's the only reason Quincy didnt turn into the Hall of Fame caliber player that everyone knew he was capable of. And now we have Dak Prescott, we are the only team in the league that can say that and he's the highest paid player in the league.
Me- ok, we have a question from DCU-er Doomsday "it's been almost 3 decades since we advanced deep into the postseason, how long does it take, don't you think it might be time to step aside as GM?"
Jerry: Well ask that asshole how he likes THESE THREE LOMBARDI TROPHIES. I've won 3 super bowl rings as a GM and owner, nobody else can say that. We have the best front office arrangement in the NFL. The other 31 teams are at a severe disadvantage. We are better because of me being in this role.
Me: ok well there another request, your ultimate fan at DCU Yimyammer would like an autographed picture of you, can you hook him up
Jerry: Finally somebody that appreciates me the right way, he sure can. In fact I'll take him for a ride on my helicopter and we can land on the practice field. I might even let him take a trip on my super yacht with me and Stevie
Me: Wow, what a great honor it is to sit here and interview a great HALL OF FAME General Manager and Owner, thanks for your time Mr. Jones.
Jerry: Yes that's right, I have a Green Jacket, I mean HoF Blazer. People everywhere recognized me for A+ team building skill. Me being in the HoF has nothing to do with making everyone in the league filthy rich, even though that part is also true.
Me: Jerry let's start with that, the team building. I think you've been given a bad rap by an uneducated fanbase that just doesn't understand how you have been ahead of your time as a Front Office Picasso.
Jerry: It takes years of experience. I played the game at an extremely high level. I have a keen eye at spotting talent, even when no one else can see it.
Me: Let's talk about this week's latest acquisition, Jalen Dalton. I think he really moves the needle for the defense and we are fortunate to have him. Tell me more about him.
Jerry: Well dbair Jalen Tolbert is an elite DE prospect, I talked to Charles Haley about getting him in here asap and Charles said Jalen is further along than he was at a similar point in their career. He is more physically dominant than Reggie White and has more speed than Micah Parsons.
Me: Jerry, didnt you mean Jalen Dalton
Jerry: I'm a Hall of Famer so just let me do the talking.
Me: OK lets move on to your absolute genius move of locking up Dak Prescott for 60 million per year. I spoke with several league sources, and they told me that Dak would have easily gotten 100+ million per year on the open market. We are so fortunate that you were able to use your keen negotiating skills and get him to accept so much less than he would have gotten elsewhere.
Jerry: Yeah we have the highest paid QB in the league and this really means something, it means we have the best player in the league. I am also giving him pointers on rebuilding his recently demolished mansion. You know I had direct input on AT&T Stadium construction right? I'm a Hall of Fame GM you know.
Me: Yeah that building is a masterpiece of construction, but Jerry a lot of fans wonder about that sun problem, can....
Jerry: I'm a Hall of Fame GM and I know about this stuff more than you or the fans, just leave these details to someone that really understands it ok?
Me: Jerry how exciting is it to have Zeke back in Dallas and wearing his old college #15?
Jerry: Yeah see I had that idea, I've already made millions and millions off his old #21 jersey. Now I can make millions and millions more out of #15
Me: How bout his level of play, I was really impressed with his work against Detroit.
Jerry: Yes I had a meeting with the coaches about this, he clearly has not been used properly so I had to point out how this was unacceptable. You saw what a threat he was out there this past week, we caught the Lions completely off guard with our Feed Zeke strategy.
Me: Yeah this game was much closer than the score would indicate. We really fought hard. I think if it hadnt been for the refs we'd have come out on top here.
Me: Jerry I have a part-time gig helping out at Dallas Cowboys Universe, and the fans there really love you and appreciate your leadership. They asked me to have you answer a few questions. Here we go:
Me: From SuperFan BB, ask Jerry why he allows them to wear those shitty blue uniforms at home instead of the classic whites.
Me: Oh sorry Jerry, I don't know how that one got in there. BB must have been drinking.
Jerry: I don't know how that youngster is still alive, last time I saw him he was on the bottom of the pile of two 400+ lb landwhales
Me: ok here's a question from DCU-er Dodger "Why the heck can't you properly scout a QB"
Jerry: Well let me tell you, I played this game. I know elite QB talent when I see it. I was the only reason this team drafted Troy Aikman. Then in 2001 I fleeced the entire NFL when I drafted Quincy Carter. Bill Parcells had a vendetta against him and that's the only reason Quincy didnt turn into the Hall of Fame caliber player that everyone knew he was capable of. And now we have Dak Prescott, we are the only team in the league that can say that and he's the highest paid player in the league.
Me- ok, we have a question from DCU-er Doomsday "it's been almost 3 decades since we advanced deep into the postseason, how long does it take, don't you think it might be time to step aside as GM?"
Jerry: Well ask that asshole how he likes THESE THREE LOMBARDI TROPHIES. I've won 3 super bowl rings as a GM and owner, nobody else can say that. We have the best front office arrangement in the NFL. The other 31 teams are at a severe disadvantage. We are better because of me being in this role.
Me: ok well there another request, your ultimate fan at DCU Yimyammer would like an autographed picture of you, can you hook him up
Jerry: Finally somebody that appreciates me the right way, he sure can. In fact I'll take him for a ride on my helicopter and we can land on the practice field. I might even let him take a trip on my super yacht with me and Stevie
Kirk61
Practice Squad
- Messages
- 358
- Reaction score
- 209
Pussies!
daboyz
Happy Holidays!
- Messages
- 1,788
- Reaction score
- 1,570
- Messages
- 58,563
- Reaction score
- 9,053
Niners are without their top 3 WR's now. Aiyuk was carted off and Deebo was a scratch at game time