Seeing jeri lose the franchise would be sweeter than back to back super bowl wins
I had the most incredible dream last night.
Somehow I had become a trillionaire, so I had one of my attorneys contact jeri and tell him I want to buy the Cowboys and to name his price. Of course jeri balked but threw out the price of 50 billion (not knowing that was chump change to me), so my attorney said put it writing which jeri did on a lark, I signed it before the ink was dry and to his utter shock the team was sold to me within the week.
Once the transaction was closed and I was certain the franchise was mine, the first thing I do is meet jeri at the stadium and as he reaches out his hand to shake mine, I slapped it away and told jim to get his sorry, fucking ass out of my stadium and to never come back and as he turned away in shock to leave, I literally wind up and kick him square in the ass causing him to stumble and his glass of scotch to go flying. Me and my staff laughed our asses off at the look on his face and how it was probably the first time in his life nothing was coming out of that pathetic gob hole he calls a mouth, except shocked gasps.
I then ordered my staff to remove every semblance of the jones family from anything related to the Cowboys starting with the stupid art littered all over the stadium. We start a bonfire on the 50 yardline of The Star with all the jeri quotes that formally peppered the building, making sure the media was there to film it all. I also made the jones family persona non grata and they were no longer allowed at the games, facilities, etc. No one was to mention the jones in any way other than to reiterate how their pathetic incompetence had destroyed the proud tradition of excellence on the football field. In the only interviews I did, I spoke about how you were no longer going to be tortured by the jackass jeri jones and trashed him at every opportunity.
I hire a team comprised of Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, sports analytics experts and even make a run at Belichick and Ernie Adams in order to create the greatest collection of minds ever assembled and give them one task: to restore the proud winning tradition, build a team feared and respected by all opponents and their fans, make the Cowboys dominate year in and out and be in contention to win the super bowl each and every year.
I then rip down that piece of shit stadium and have a new one designed to amplify crowd noises to the maximum, I get rid of the PSL's and give tickets to the poorest and most radical fans and kick out people that want to sit around drinking martinis and be seen and chit chat. Fans of opposing teams are removed from the premises immediately and their tickets refunded, opposing fans learn quickly not to even attempt to infiltrate the Cowboys games. I have the stadium designer orient the field so the sun shines on the visitors bench and have them create as many built in disadvantages to the opponents as possible. The opponents locker rooms are shit, literally...I have the sewage system designed so the sewage exhaust pours into the locker room making difficult to breath without gagging. Playing at the new stadium becomes an utter nightmare for all opponents in every way imaginable and then some. No longer do opponents and their fans waltz into the Cowboys stadium to kick the proverbial sand in everyone's faces.
I woke up too soon, the best part was the fact I was able to trash jeri at every opportunity publicly and like all the women coming out of the woodworks today exposing their rapists, et al, people everywhere were coming out with stories about jeri's stupidity to the point that he was completely ostracized, no longer are mics in his face and no one wants to hear a peep from him, leaving him nothing to do with but count all that money I gave him to get the fuck out of town.
