The Babylon Bee had our top researchers working tirelessly to bring you this list of perfect gift ideas for your conservative child:
1) Red Rider .50 Caliber Sniper Rifle: BB guns are for puny liberal wusses.
2) Leftist Tears Sippy Cup: Your child is never too young to practice owning the libs and preparing to someday own a leftist tears tumbler, wherever they may be sold.
3) The complete works of Thomas Sowell: If your child can't read at that level, Tuttle Twins books will do.
4) Donald Trump Magic 8-Ball: Young ones can receive wise guidance like, “Wrong. Totally wrong. Pathetic. Next question?” and “Absolutely not, total disaster, believe me.”
5) Kyle Rittenhouse Plush Doll: Toy AR-15 included with real bump-stock action!
6) Lego:registered: Keystone Pipeline Play Set: At least your offspring can enjoy a make-believe world free of soaring gas prices.
7) Suit & Tie Pajamas: The conservative values of order and personal responsibility never rest.
8) Coal: Beautiful, clean coal will remind your child not to destroy entire working-class communities in the name of green energy.
9) Traditional Homemaker Barbie Dream House: Let Barbie extol the virtues of raising children in a loving home. (Ken doll with lawnmower sold separately.)
10) Ivermectin Candy Canes: The perfect—and perfectly safe—stocking stuffer!