Four words for Roy Williams: Should have gone Kardashian.
I have to imagine one of them would have been willing to take the $76,000 diamond engagement ring, which until Thursday had been in legal limbo, off his hands. Instead the Cowboys receiver proposed via the United States Postal Service to the former Miss Texas USA, who rejected his offer and kept his ring, forcing him to file a lawsuit. Now his idiocy and rejection are hanging out for all to gawk and giggle upon.
This is why you go Kardashian. Those ladies know what they are doing.
He had better land somebody and quickly, before his dirty little secret gets out and he's stuck with Tara Reid or that sort. Roy is the biggest waste of talent to come out of Texas in the history of recently.
And this is a crowded field, my friends.
Many of my Texas Exes friends were arguing Ced Benson, or VY, or Mike Williams when I posed this question Thursday. Super talented all of them, yet all of them have specialized in various levels of underwhelming.
None has underwhelmed with the ferocity of Roy. The sad ugly truth is Ring-a-ding is one of his more memorable moments as a Cowboy.
Can't catch.
Can't run routes.
Can't mentor Dez.
Can't lead.
Can't win.
Can't propose.
What exactly is it that you do again, Roy?
In fairness, he signals first downs after his rare catches for them with unrivaled zeal. And his T.O. impersonation when he blamed then-offensive coordinator Jason Garrett for his failures was actually pretty spot-on. And this fumbled proposal has provided giggles in an otherwise dull sports scene.
A little bit of free engagement-etiquette advice for you, my gentle readers.
Do not mail the ring, not even if a restraining order is in place. And if a restraining order is in place, that is a pretty good sign that she is just not that into you.
If you say no, ladies, the ring is not yours no matter how pretty or big or shiny it is or how long you were together or how much money he has or if you earned it. Yes is required for possession. And that yes has to be ongoing. If you cheat or break it off, the ring is his. And if he strays, well, get that diamond turned into a down payment, or a Roth IRA, or a Louie.
Why do these athletes never call? I could save them so much heartache and lawyer fees.
Of course, Roy's ring blunder, while giggle-worthy and joke-worthy, ranks rather low on the Cowboy stupidity scale. And certainly it barely registers in the NFL, with its police blotter.
He did not bail on a $27 bar tab like Raheem Brock, or roll with 600 grams of codeine syrup like Johnny Jolly or have a stash of little blue pills without a doctor's prescription like Louis Murphy.
He has not done anything illegal or really all that bad. He just has not done anything all that impressive either.
And therein lies the disappointment with Roy.
The talk around him since the moment he arrived in Dallas has involved everything except for the football greatness Cowboys owner Jerry Jones expected when he traded a first-, third- and sixth-round pick to get him from Detroit in 2008 and then double-downed on that stupidity with a $45 million contract extension. Greatness? He has fallen short of football proficiency.
Some of this is on Jerry.
He was the only one buying Roy stock at a time everybody else in the league was selling, the fears being that big numbers on what was then a train wreck in Detroit would not translate well into the real NFL.
Jerry plunged anyway and watched as Roy became an unreliable target and was overshadowed by Miles Austin and now, with the Cowboys expected to be almost $20 mil over expected salary cap figures, Roy finds himself in danger of being jettisoned because he's not worth his $9 million price tag.
Solid work, even by Cowboy standards.
But not even Jerry can be blamed for the implosion that has been Roy Williams.
The dude suddenly could not catch upon arrival.
No, seriously. Could. Not. Catch. The balls would hit him right in the hands and he could not catch them. He was as slow as ever while somehow morphing into a whiny malcontent and eventually an overpaid disappointment.
Roy is hands down the biggest waste of Texas talent in recent memory.
Which is just another reason he should have gone Kardashian. That family has a talent for turning lack of talent just like his into fame and fortune.
I have to imagine one of them would have been willing to take the $76,000 diamond engagement ring, which until Thursday had been in legal limbo, off his hands. Instead the Cowboys receiver proposed via the United States Postal Service to the former Miss Texas USA, who rejected his offer and kept his ring, forcing him to file a lawsuit. Now his idiocy and rejection are hanging out for all to gawk and giggle upon.
This is why you go Kardashian. Those ladies know what they are doing.
He had better land somebody and quickly, before his dirty little secret gets out and he's stuck with Tara Reid or that sort. Roy is the biggest waste of talent to come out of Texas in the history of recently.
And this is a crowded field, my friends.
Many of my Texas Exes friends were arguing Ced Benson, or VY, or Mike Williams when I posed this question Thursday. Super talented all of them, yet all of them have specialized in various levels of underwhelming.
None has underwhelmed with the ferocity of Roy. The sad ugly truth is Ring-a-ding is one of his more memorable moments as a Cowboy.
Can't catch.
Can't run routes.
Can't mentor Dez.
Can't lead.
Can't win.
Can't propose.
What exactly is it that you do again, Roy?
In fairness, he signals first downs after his rare catches for them with unrivaled zeal. And his T.O. impersonation when he blamed then-offensive coordinator Jason Garrett for his failures was actually pretty spot-on. And this fumbled proposal has provided giggles in an otherwise dull sports scene.
A little bit of free engagement-etiquette advice for you, my gentle readers.
Do not mail the ring, not even if a restraining order is in place. And if a restraining order is in place, that is a pretty good sign that she is just not that into you.
If you say no, ladies, the ring is not yours no matter how pretty or big or shiny it is or how long you were together or how much money he has or if you earned it. Yes is required for possession. And that yes has to be ongoing. If you cheat or break it off, the ring is his. And if he strays, well, get that diamond turned into a down payment, or a Roth IRA, or a Louie.
Why do these athletes never call? I could save them so much heartache and lawyer fees.
Of course, Roy's ring blunder, while giggle-worthy and joke-worthy, ranks rather low on the Cowboy stupidity scale. And certainly it barely registers in the NFL, with its police blotter.
He did not bail on a $27 bar tab like Raheem Brock, or roll with 600 grams of codeine syrup like Johnny Jolly or have a stash of little blue pills without a doctor's prescription like Louis Murphy.
He has not done anything illegal or really all that bad. He just has not done anything all that impressive either.
And therein lies the disappointment with Roy.
The talk around him since the moment he arrived in Dallas has involved everything except for the football greatness Cowboys owner Jerry Jones expected when he traded a first-, third- and sixth-round pick to get him from Detroit in 2008 and then double-downed on that stupidity with a $45 million contract extension. Greatness? He has fallen short of football proficiency.
Some of this is on Jerry.
He was the only one buying Roy stock at a time everybody else in the league was selling, the fears being that big numbers on what was then a train wreck in Detroit would not translate well into the real NFL.
Jerry plunged anyway and watched as Roy became an unreliable target and was overshadowed by Miles Austin and now, with the Cowboys expected to be almost $20 mil over expected salary cap figures, Roy finds himself in danger of being jettisoned because he's not worth his $9 million price tag.
Solid work, even by Cowboy standards.
But not even Jerry can be blamed for the implosion that has been Roy Williams.
The dude suddenly could not catch upon arrival.
No, seriously. Could. Not. Catch. The balls would hit him right in the hands and he could not catch them. He was as slow as ever while somehow morphing into a whiny malcontent and eventually an overpaid disappointment.
Roy is hands down the biggest waste of Texas talent in recent memory.
Which is just another reason he should have gone Kardashian. That family has a talent for turning lack of talent just like his into fame and fortune.
